the prevailed promise

There's a passage in the book of Acts that addresses Abraham and his life after the death of his father through Stephen and his speech to the Sanhedrin. According to Stephen, Jesus presents Abraham with nothing. He is without all the things needed to sustain a life and is basically thrown face first into the world with nothing to support him. Abraham is poor. Miserable. Exhausted. Confused. And yet he still presses on towards the promise from The Lord of the land he will eventually possess. Somehow, someway, Abraham regained the strength to press on and after four hundred years he received the convenant he longed to retrieve.

I wish I could say that I bounced back like Abraham after a death as great as the one of his father. I wish I could say that I easily found a way to regain the strength and trust for my everyday. I wish I could say I handled the death of my own aunt like the champ that Abraham was, but I didn't. It hurt. 365 long days ago, I didn't even understand the promise or even wish to see it come true.

Looking back, though, on May 24, 2018 as I sit here today, on May 24, 2019, I can see all the ways I was Abraham and how The Lord was resembling his promise. I can see the ways He did prepare me for a day as destructive as that one. I can see the ways He used my community and circle to surround me in smiles and care. I can see the ways He brought new old friends into my life in order to retrieve me from the tears and bring in more laughter and joy. I can see now, the ways He has blessed me with others with similar experiences. I can see the ways now that He has blessed me with the covenant of His endless love and mercy. I can see now Abraham resembled in a day where all I wanted to be was the opposite of Jesus.

Isn't it crazy how it can take 365 days to believe that something as devastating as a death can have meaning and purpose? One year ago, I would never have told you that I could see Abraham's life in mine or even that there was even any good from that day. And there are still parts of me that struggle to see the purpose and believe in it. But to see progress, we have to be willing to admit the pain. And as 365 more days come, I will continue to believe more in the promise resembled through the event of May 24, 2018 and admit the pain that came with it. But today, I think I have to celebrate in knowing that I even made it one year without my biggest supporter and encourager,my longtime favorite Aunt Ris. Was it hard? Absolutely. Did I cry almost every night? Yup. Will tonight be extremely difficult? A hundred times yes. But I believe in a God who surrounds me in a surpassing peace and love. The God who calmed the seas and healed the blind stood by my side and walked with me through 365 days of loss and heartache, and I can't even begin to fathom that.

So here's to another 365 days of expected pain and tears and heartache.

But here's to another 365 days knowing and believing that within all of this hurt, there is a purpose and promise that will soon be prevailed to us just as it was to Abraham.